Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Notes from my 82nd work (Cura with Paulo Roberto)

I don't really understand why it is taking so long for me to get over this relationship. I wonder if it is just as difficult for her. If there was anything that I'd want her to know is that she ripped my life open, took it all apart, laid it out in front of me, showed me what was wrong, then left w/o telling me how to fix it. 

I miss my friend Sarapó. He is the true definition of what an indigenous person is and how they are currently living.

I get worried that if I don't write some of these stories down, I will forget them.

I understand what it is to be offended by a certain person in your life to ask, "How are you doing?" There's usually a really long and crazy story behind it.

If I were to die tomorrow and make an overall assessment of my life, I'd say it was one lived w/o enough risk, too much fear, too much laziness.

"I didn't have a sickness, I had a misunderstanding." 

I think the conclusion I've drawn thus far is that the more free time I have, the worse things get.

A true teacher will not show you the answers, just where to look.

When you say no to temptation, it bangs louder on your door, but as a torment instead of a seduction. And the further you resist the temptation, the more you begin to trust yourself.

This whole thing is ridiculous. Life is ridiculous.

I really want to interview a porn star. Like what are the recruiters like? It's like for every fetish, the porn industry says, "We'll find someone willing to do that." I just wonder, what do they say? Does it sound different to you now? If I had my choice, I'd interview Sensi Pearl.

There is something super endearing about a person who uses the word "scoundrel". Even more so when they use it referring to themselves.

In many ways, Brazilians figured it out.

I think one of the most important things Brazil taught me is to not make any assumptions about anyone.

Rio isn't perfect. In fact, it's pretty fucked up. But it gave me enough confidence + support to take a chance on making it my home.

I will say though, one of the best things about being back in Seattle is I get to see my parents. 

I wonder if when my friend Zoë asks me to hang out, she does it knowing that I've had and probably will always have this tiny, sort of, but kinda serious crush on her.

I wonder if when a parent has an intention for a child's life, that it is the child's duty to fulfill that intention. But then what about the personal aspirations that child find on its own path? I guess that's the test. Following your heart while being responsible for your duties. 

When Flora made out w/ someone else, and wanted to continue to have the freedom to do so in our relationship, that hurt on a variety of levels, but I realize now that a lot of the suffering lied in a logical equation that I just couldn't understand. I should have asked her, "But wait. If I am the Love of your life, then why is just having me not enough?" 

I think that's the goal for everyone in any sort of serious relationship. To feel that they are enough, for that person, and for the world. 

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