Thursday, April 23, 2015

Notes from my 74th trip (Trabalho com Padrinho Alfredo)

People who are made for the sake of being an "edgy" journalist are annoying.

We are all the same person at our core.

I think I've accepted the notion that I'll never have it all "figured out". No one should really. That's actually really arrogant to think you have life figured out. 

I don't know why you showed up in my life QueridO, but I'm glad you did.

The friends you find on the highway of life are to be treasured

Michael and I grew out of a strange time of both our lives. 

So sometimes I make up conversations in my head before they happen: Here's one w/ the cute girl at the cafe I accidentally asked out (We haven't gone on a date yet).

Me: Can I tell you, you remind me of someone really special.

Her: Really? Do you mind if I ask whom? (Only cuz I imagine her to be polite, not like in a permission seeking type, but polite in just the right way.)

Me: The person I miss most in my life. I may see her soon, and I am worried my heart is not strong enough.

You can fit the entire world in your heart, if you want it to, it will fit.

I quickly realized that the person I am battling is myself. Well, not quickly at all, it actually took me to a long fucking time, but that is what I am up against. 

When you ask someone if it is okay to shit in their toilet, that person should know you are w/ the emotion of having to shit and still remember your manners to ask.

Whenever a writer starts writing for money, for whatever sells, that writer has forgotten why they started in the first place.

I understand it now. This whole ordeal has been to find a way to forgive Flora.

Heartbreak is real. Emotions are real. Feelings are real. Anyone who says differently, FUCK THEM. And an even bigger FUCK YOU! to those who don't know to respect them.

As a writer, you decide what goes and what stays. Remember that responsibility.

I wrote a friend who is going through tough times, "Don't ever let a person or a circumstance tell you to give up." I cried when I wrote that out. I hope she knows how helpful it was for me to be in the privileged position of helping a friend. 

I was reborn in Hawaii. 
Hotel Honoka'a motherfuckers! 

You can travel the world w/in your own mind. 

What is the strangest thing you have ever Googled

I hold onto the worlds Flora said to me, hoping she meant them at the time.

Desirée taught me that I am soon ready to be married. 

Sometimes I think a writer is just curious as to how smart their audience is. 

I can say this heartbreak is a defining moment in my life.

Being a journalist is one of the coolest jobs ever. It's also the shittest. I guess that's the trade off for using your life to write stories. 

You will always have a piece of my heart Desirée.

When I see kids doing fucked up shit, I just think to myself, "I hope he/she doesn't die from that. There is so much life to live after that." 

When you write, it is important to pay attention to the words, particularly in the middle. They have to carry enough weight to the end of the sentence. 

I spend most of my waking life alone. If people knew the crazy shit that goes thru my head, they wouldn't think I was that cool.

When I used to train iajutsu, they started me off w/ a wooden sword. One time an instructor let me use his sword and it was then I realized, "You could literally kill yourself w/ this thing." 

Money isn't the issue. Don't say things you don't mean. That's what matters. 

Thank you for caring about me, A*****.

Something is definitely being put to rest, here in Hawaii.

I went to the store to buy some Q-tips and the employee offered to give me hers in her car when we found out they were sold out. "To be w/o Q-tips, that's the pits," she said to me. I don't think there is a better way to express that sentiment. 

Shit is just going to happen, that's a given. But we are always of the choice in how to react. 

It is a choice to be strong. You can will it into a manifestation. I believe in that more than anything.

Death can be a cleansing process.

A******, you are a welcomed presence in my home. 

People probably don't know this about me, but I buy the same pair of $20 jeans at JC Penny's every year.

All the successful companies probably know a lot about human emotions.

I'm proud to rep Fightland. Til the end baby. 

When you write the first words in a title, you sometimes want to immediately punch yourself in the face. But it's part of the process. 

I have a friend that I don't really like. 
When someone asks why, I always ask myself, "Where do I start?"

Whenever you ask someone what they're "about", the puzzled look on their face is always amusing. 

When I started traveling and boxing, I didn't do it because I thought it'd be some cool shit to write about. I did it because the boxing gym is one of the only places where I remember who I am. 

Whenever you read a book that makes you jealous that you didn't think of it first, or they make you analyze your laziness. That is a good writer

The wounded person laid in bed crying all day. You are no longer that person. 

Marcella, if you and I ever got married, we'd probably kill each other.

When Flora asked me to marry her, there was not even a smidgen of consideration, just a reaction. That should tell you something.

Santo Daime taught me how to take care of myself.

I am afraid of what I am to learn this next time out in Brazil.

When I first heard the sentence, "If everyone traveled, there would be no more wars," I agreed w/ it. Now w/ age I think that is a very short-sighted dumbshit thing to say, about people and about wars. 

I've seen plenty of examples where traveling has ruined someone's life, particularly in the form of cocaine and prostitution.

In business, there's always a small part of you that feels bad when someone gives in to your negotiation, almost as if it was a reminder of the frailty of being human. I think the key to being successful in business is to learn how to master that feeling.

I remember one time at a Spanish conversation meet-up, this guy was noticeably jealous of his girlfriend showing interest in me, even though on paper he was far superior to me. I just thought to myself when I noticed the look in his eyes, "Well, you shouldn't have asked what I did." 

Monday, April 20, 2015

Conversa com Preto Velho II

"Does the love of your life exist?"

"Yes of course. There are many things you are going to love in your life."

"No, I mean like a person. Does it exist?"

"You will encounter many loves on your path, my son."

"But like the Love of your life. Is there one greater than all the others?"

He takes a moment to smoke his pipe, scratch his chin, and hesitates before he answers, almost as if he's questioning whether or not I'm ready to hear the answer.

"You will encounter many loves on your path, but the ultimate Love, the King...there is only One."

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Notes from my 73rd trip (Concentration)

Realize. That what you write is a reflection of your training.

Remember, as much as your parents piss you off, there will come a day where they will no longer be around.

You did choose this life. Remember. you signed up for this ride.

For those of you that say, "I'm really bad at remembering names." Know that it is a skill that can be trained and developed. Why it is a problem is because you don't want to fix it. A lot of what we say we 'can't' do, is really, at the core, because we don't want to. 

People who market themselves as "spiritual" people sicken me.

Never trust the one who says he is a prophet

All of this has been about getting ready to go back to Brazil
You're not ready yet, but you will be. 

You can go after Flora if you want to. I can tell you that you will be hurt and I cannot guarantee any chance of success. But it is the most difficult path you can choose. That I can tell you.

Part of me thinks that documenting and publicizing everything that happens w/ me and Flora is all just dramatic lead-up to this awesome, mind-blowing wedding. Haha. Wishful thinking. I know.

The universe will stand down if you tell it to.

After every battle you survive, you are a more evolved person. That is why most fighters have respect for their opponents. 

I only really like real people. 

Lately, I've been standing up for myself, almost as if a separate being stepped outside of myself, picked me up and said, "Get up! Treat yourself w/ respect! And don't ever let anyone trample on your heart again." I'm proud of myself for that one.

This path you are walking to be a writer. It is very easy to be arrogant. Be aware of this. 

I feel like I'm reaching point of my journey where I want the pain to stop. I don't want anymore scars.

Christian is one of my only friends where I can say: "I like what that guy's about." 

Writing is basically just living in a world of ideas then scribbling some nonsense afterwards, and somebody went ahead and called it a profession.

You have to be a writer. There are too many stories you have inside of you.

Human beings are fascinating creatures. We're flesh and bone and we can do logical tasks. Then we get to create a personality to run through the whole thing? That's so fucking crazy.

There is a purpose behind all of this. Don't rush to unlock to doors. 

I think Flora was one of the first people in my life that I just always wanted to be around. Even the times when she was being an arrogant brat or snoring like a madwoman, I cherished it all. Every second. That's what was so special about her. That's what most people don't understand.

Don't ever do anything because you feel guilted into doing it. I mean it can be a motivation, but it can't be the only reason.

Japanese anime has this way of encapsulating all the traits that annoy our human nature into a character and have them appear a the moment we want them least to appear. Like that is the last fucking face I want to see right now. It's actually quite masterful, when you think about it.

I was sent back here to be destroyed, then rebuild myself from nothing.