Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Notes from my 72nd trip (Concentration)

When something is destroyed, it is rebuilt more carefully the second time, aware now of what can break it.

In those moments of despair that seem to last forever, I just want to say that it does not last forever. Nothing does really. Everything changes.

Learning about yourself is a painful process.

It's interesting how easily laughing can turn into crying. And vice versa.

I know what it is to be emotionally unstable.

You have resurrected yourself.

In some ways I'm more faithful to Flora than I was before, which is ridiculously bat-shit fucking stupid. But I don't decide this shit.

A lot of art is just about finding the pieces in your life and putting them in the right order, at the right time.

Sometimes just having a friend to be there, w/ time to converse w/ you, is the greatest gift you could receive.

It is a big decision to become someone's mate. It means that you are in care of another person and all their complications. I feel like people make that decision too lightly, nowadays.

I pretty much realized that I play for keeps.

When you truly receive the authority of the divine order, there is not a place on this earth that can deny you entry.

I think to a certain degree, even the most morally corrupt pig-fuckers (thanks Jonathan) don't even know their true intentions. Some of them are even maniacal enough to think they are doing good in the world.

Most famous people are dickbags in real life.

The failure of most artists is that they lacked the integrity to the art in which they practiced. 

My general rule to life is the following: Anything can happen.

At the end of the day, I don't know what Flora remembers or doesn't remember about our relationship so I should stop torturing myself into trying to figure it out.

My time in LA consisted of the following: writing, shooting photos, talking to fighters, going to fights, getting a tattoo, driving through the remnants of skid row, flirting with women at the Scientology center, hanging out with misfits, talking about heartbreak, then going to church. That more or less sums up all the activities of my life, at the current moment.

I remember one time I was arguing w/ Flora and she said something like, "I know I make a lot of errors..." She was almost crying at that point. I grabbed her hand, looked straight in her eyes and told her w/ everything I believed in, "Everyone makes mistakes." She said, "I know a lot of people make errors..." I cut her off and said, "Everyone. Flora, everyone. Remember that." It was strange b/c I went from arguing w/ her to supporting her, but when push comes to shove, where it really matters, I am on her side. Always.

You should always have an intention behind your words. Don't go around saying stupid hurtful shit if you don't have a reason to do so.

I can say w/ confidence that I know how to care for another person. Or well, it matters whether or not I am capable of doing so. How's that?

All of this has been about evolving the love I have for Flora.

There is no guarantee that this will get easier. In fact, it will get harder, but you will become stronger. That's the trade.

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