Sunday, June 14, 2015

Notes from my 79th trip (Concentration)

Sometimes I feel like this thing is really trying to kill me.

When I put my hand on my father's head, he said to me, "Heal me. Heal me please." 
The thing that scared me most was that I didn't know what to do. All I could do keep my hand on his head.

I am in a constant confusion as to what my role is in order to best serve in this life. 

All of the tough moments, they are just bends in the path. If you are faithful to your path, then it will take care of the rest. But you have to trust in it. 

I have so much respect for you, Afrose. Like it's ridiculous. ( like the amount of scrill you be making for your poetry. Get that scrill son! )

As a writer, I see now: 
The world is my therapist. 

"It is not I who commands but God. It is not I who commands but God." 
This is the war cry of Saint Michael. Pick up your bed and get to work. Do not complain about your task, but pray

What to tell my father

You are a general. What you have endured thus far is to sharpen your skills, not to kill you. It is not your enemy, but your ally to strengthen you for the next leg of your journey. 

I am getting to the age where the people I know and love are starting to leave this life. I can't even imagine what that must have been like for someone who had to confront that as a child. 

You have been hiding behind your past as a fighter. When you were disciplined. When you had a fucking schedule. You are a joke compared to what you used to be. Flora said it one time. She said she still loved you, or at least who you used used to be. That is a good summation for your life.

Pornstars are a good example of how someone can never fully understand that they are good looking. That they are beautiful. 

George Bush Jr was a joke of a president. He's a joke of a human being when you really think about it. 

The things that mothers have had to endure...


Ariele M. Huff said...

The part about your father is touching. Best to you in that process. Ariele

Ariele said...

The part about your father is touching to me.
Best of luck in that wonderful but difficult process.