Monday, May 18, 2015

Notes from my 76th trip (Birthday Work)

I am going to stop apologizing so much for being me. Nobody should apologize for being who they are.

You can go after Flora if you want, but your life will not end if you don't end up w/ her. It will be different, but not worse. The two paths are equal. You just need to choose.

It's fine that you were hurt so badly by Flora. It does make you weak. It also makes you human. 

You are walking the right path at the right pace. Do not be ashamed of your life anymore.

You don't have to live a life ruled by your thoughts and emotions.

It is when things stop happening to you and you need to choose. That is growing up.

Afrose, I hope you know that the scars we earned from our bed-ridden sorrows have only made us stronger.

Putting aside some resentment for a friend when they approach you for help is not being fake. It is called being a friend. 

It's funny when you notice that someone put considerable effort into crafting a sentence. Even funnier when it sucks. Kind of sad actually. But it's okay. I've written plenty of shitty sentences (and will continue to do so) in this life. 

Take every piece you write seriously. 
Treat them all as equals.

I am in need of protection for where I am going.

This is totally of my sole artistic perspective, but people who overuse adverbs in writing are really annoying.

It's sad when you remember to take notes during the moment, but you can't read the handwriting in which you wrote it in. 

I called Flora the other day after receiving news that a friend of mine passed away and I wanted to make sure she was alive. Sometime in the conversation she said something to the effect of, "We should talk more." My initial reaction was, "I don't want you in my life! You never called, you never messaged, you forgot my birthday - twice, and you abhorred my phone calls when I was almost killed by a staph infection and I just wanted someone to be there. You want to call me a friend? You don't even know what the word means." 
Or maybe she does and I'm just being butt-hurt. I don't know. 

When I say that "You are annoying," I mean that as an insult, like it's not even that you don't exist in my life, but you've done something to where I have to exert energy into disliking you. It is often said casually, but it is one of the only hurtful comments I can say to someone. I'm basically talking about you, Laura

I choose to be a Warrior of Peace.

A******, I just want to tell you that you are touching a very sensitive part of my heart and I know inside of me that I cannot move forward until I resolve what is still there. Do not pray for a particular outcome. Just let it be. And know, whatever happens, you are a very special person in my life.

People who are still doing the same thing they were doing in high school. I feel bad for them. I guess that could also be noble in some regards, but in most cases it's not. 

All I wanted was Flora to treat our relationship more seriously, like, "Yo! The real thing has shown up. For both of us!" 

But she treated it like an accessory. She didn't take it seriously.

Or maybe she did, which is why she knew we had to break up. 

I am very good a remembering how to correct myself. 
But I also need to be reminded every so often.

Even if I was to go back after Flora, I don't even know where it would start. I haven't put enough serious thought into the proposal since I am afraid of thinking about it. I could fail. And that would hurt a lot. But I could also win, and that would mean the world to me. 

Flora was the first girlfriend I had that made me feel OK at being who I truly am.

I don't even know if I dated my first girlfriend because I found her attractive, or that everyone else did and I just wanted to prove something.

It is sad when a father cannot see his child grow up.

I used to teach a writing course to ex-convicts about to released back into society. One of the prompts was, "What was the moment in which you realized you needed to change your life?" One of them said to me, "When it was my daughter's 5th birthday and I was sitting in a jail cell." 

I'll never forget that answer.

Anytime an apartment manager called themselves a "bulldog" in a sense of authority, they are asking to be ridiculed.

Dude. I just realized that we financially supported a publicly known woman beater AND he had the gall to put on, while beautifully masterful, a boring, no risk-taking fight. What a dickwad Floyd Mayweather Jr. is. 

Never believe that you are a mistake in this world.

If I ever heard someone say to another person, "You never should have been born," I'd stand up for that person it was being directed at. I'll say something to the offender like, "Ma'am, I say this w/ the utmost respect for you are my elder, but saying someone should be denied life is a horrible thing to say and often times a thing in your life and/or your past that needs to be resolved first before you interact with others this way." 

I know it seems like I live this crazy, exciting life traveling all the time, but truthfully speaking, I'd much rather have a rather tame and mild relationship w/ Flora. I could see the entire universe in her eyes.

Maintaining your integrity as a person will protect you from most types of heartbreak

I am beginning to become responsible for my presence. 

It is said that love is the most powerful force in existence. 
This story only proves that notion further.

Aside from the obvious reasons why porn is wrong, it just feeds an instinct that keeps us imprisoned. 

Those who have knowingly chosen the side of evil need to be vanquished.

I just have to stop being arrogant and I will no longer get hurt.

When you are about the right stuff, you can go anywhere.

Hopi Prophecy. 

Don't make everything so dramatic. You do not need an audience for your pain. 

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