Thursday, January 15, 2015

Notes from my 64th trip (Light of Christ)

All that matters to me now is whether or not I am still on my path.

There are so many emotions to be aware of on this journey.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a very dangerous trap to fall into.

I would say 'yes', at the present moment, all of my problems are tied back to Flora.

It's hard for me to describe Flora. Beautiful is the obvious choice, b/c she is physically appealing. But she is beautiful in every single way she is, and every sing way that word means.

There has to be orderly preparation for the chaos for the self-destruction.

I think my goal as a writer is to capture what people don't understand in themselves.

Given my life, I am a confused person, the cure of it is that I've never wanted to take responsibility. And I know how to talk.

For the first time, I think my ability to manipulate words is actually holding me back.

I don't know why I became a writer. I guess I just wanted to call myself something. It is an empty title.

The way you earn a patch from a gym is that you just show up. 

It's unfortunate that people find a job in reaction to the world's tragedies.

What is my opinion doesn't matter? What if I am a nobody?

"Light is knowledge w/in my heart. Light is understanding w/in my heart." 

There are some things we do to stop from being our best selves. Some part of us is scared of that person. Absolutely terrified. 

Take responsibility.

The return is to the mother. The end journey is to the mother.

I am trying to recover my pride.

I am such a fucking mess right now. Everyday I wake up and absolutely hate the person in the mirror. There is no love for him. And that's the problem.

What am I supposed to aspire towards? Who am I supposed to look up to?

I am afraid of becoming a story for the next man.

Flora is the one, I know that more than any truth I've read, and I still believe in that now. I guess my only option is to do my best to convince her of the same.

How well can you navigate the terrain of a broken heart?

It is not easy for me to write about Flora. Part of me does it hoping she will read it. To let her know that I still love her, that I'm still in love w/ her. That I want to be her everything, and her to be mine. But I know this is a large part of my problem. But I guess I just wanted her to know, that even after all the shit, this is what remains, that is what is true. 

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