Sunday, March 30, 2014

Notes from my 25th trip (Self-Transformation)

How much do I miss Flora? It's like trying to hug the wind.

A knife can be stuck into your back in so many different ways, it all depends on how you angle the respect.

Did you ever catch yourself dressing up, making yourself presentable for the Batman that never comes?

I don't think you want a dose of what I have.

I think in some ways that me and Flora have been trying to raise each other. 
And it's bitten us in the face for being arrogant.

I wish I could see, just for a moment, of how others view me. A moment would be all I needed. A moment w/ the better version of myself.

         "You're still young." That phrase can be interpreted so many different ways.

It's kinda sad when you think about it. Both me and Flora want the same thing. It's all the other shit that gets in the way. Yeah. That 'other shit'

You are the only version of yourself. There are no copies.

I believe so much in this love. I'm going in further than I can afford. I don't know what i would do, if it doesn't work out.

Even the lone wolves know they have a master that they answer to.

Dating someone is like this giant experiment in our lives. We're all hoping that we put the right elements together. That maybe they come out to be some sort of love. 

           "You have no right to throw your life into the garbage."

Sometimes I wonder for the first time visitors of my blog, if they think to themselves: 
"What the fuck did I just step into?"

I've been wanting love to be this end result, almost a kind place to go die, but love, true love, isn't that. It's a journey. Journey full of scraps + bumps, but shit. At least you know you're alive. 

Our whole lives are spent mastering the beast.

brotherhood is born through the healing of wounds.

I could be wrong in my entire outlook + approach to life. That feeling. Jesus.

Flora has caught my fancy. That's an understatement.

You can tell something about a fighter when they no longer care about the losses, just that they are allowed to continue to fight. 

Desirée was one of my favorite girlfriends. For sure.

"Practical love advice." Well that's an oxymoron if I've ever seen one.

We got to let it happen sometimes, to be healed. Cuz we beat ourselves up so much everyday. 
We gotta throw a little bit of love our way.

Marcella, I'm sorry to say, but our love story is just an illusion.

It takes a certain type of mettle to find someone interesting and not want to sleep w/ them.

Sometimes all we get out of a giant car crash, insurance hikes and copious amounts of self-loathing, is a story. That's it.

It's funny but who I know I can be is so completely different from how I actually, currently, am. 

The problem w/ me is that I'm still stuck in that stage that says: 
"The experience is worth it." 

That feeling of being cold, hungry and alone, is not a good one.

Just having the ability to "seek", is something you should be proud of.

She still meant all the words. Every one of them. That's gotta be worth something.

You could find all the stories in the universe by talking to one married couple about their experience. Marriage. That's something we should take more seriously. 

You've reached a certain level of wisdom when you can see what someone needs, and you give it to them.

After all said and done, I'm proud of the person I became.

The difference between intention and novice, is a huge one. 

Compare the times where you've said, "I should write about that..." to the number of times it actually happened.

Writers really are the world's true sufferers.

Human beings to aliens must be like what Brazilians are to Americans. I know you can try and analyze that and say its racist, but it's the best way I could put it. 

We're better than this

When you ask someone who their favorite X-Men character is, the ones that say Cyclops are probably assholes. 

I watched a reality show about tattoo artists, like straight Contender/The Ultimate Fighter style where they had to go thru tasks + elimination. And a panel of judges. I just wonder if the creators knew they were making the worst show in the history of television. 

It really sucks when you get marked by a tattoo artist's moment of ego.

All we can do is be grateful.

If anyone thinks that I've gone crazy, it's because I know something that you don't. That's all. 

I don't know if my name will ever appear in history, but I know that I was special. That's about the only thing I know.

Sometimes someone hurting you is what it takes for you to be more honest in life. 

You can tell when a fighter is being forced to fight, when they wanted to spend their day in bed w/ their families. 

I arrived in Brazil w/ some vague sense of purpose, but still lost the entire time.

It's almost like it's worth it, investing in love. Because it's the one thing we'll know we need, in the years where we have no idea what are like. 

Sandra. Do you know why you are going through what you are going through? It is to remind us that we always strive for betterment. That there is no shame in starting over. 

Be careful w/ that blade, Flora. It's sharper than you think.

I wonder what that feels like for her. To heal a person back to health, only for him to go after a love that is someone else.

There are already so many things in life that will hurt you, Flora. I refuse to be one of them. Or at least I am trying my best. 

Actors are fascinating people. They spend their career, how they feed themselves, on convincing the world they're someone they're not. 

At the end of the day, when all said and done, my parents were always there for me. 

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