Sunday, November 17, 2013

Notes from my 19th trip

It's really fucking stupid, like really fucking ridiculous, that a thing, like a police operation, a fucking shootout, is what keeps me from seeing the kids in Maré. Give me any other reason and I can take that: they don't like me, I'm not a good volunteer, fine. I'll take that. But a violence birthed out of the greed of the powerful, that I cannot accept. 

              Death will reveal what really matters in life.

To the Writers: treat your words as if they were arrows you crafted under the guidance of the moonlight. Send them out w/ intention and care, and they will not miss their mark.

Being called "a boring person" is a much greater insult than most realize.

We seal our commitments in fine sheaths of words, we must grow aware of these sheathes.

'A dying wish.' I understand that phrase much more completely tonight.

This reality is still mine

I am merely a composite of the broken dreams of friends that have fallen before me, and I am here, to claim what is theirs. 

There is not much evil can do, against a man who is in love.

No matter how far we go, Flora, there are still things I am afraid to tell you, in fear that they will scare you off. There is something about you that terrifies me, and I am not one to scare easily. 

You met me at an interesting time of my life, Marcella. Would you believe that I left part of myself the day we met? Keep it. It is yours to have.

Jonathan, I don't know if you believe in formalities or any of that business, but you've been one of my greatest teachers. A fuckin' genius.

Sometimes I think about the way I am dressed when walking down the street. I must look like a fucking maniac to some people.

It's funny how in the most serious of monologues I have in my head, I can still manage to fit in the word 'horse-padoddle' in the delivery.

        It's strange for me to lie now. It's like eating rotten fruit.

I know we don't see each other that often, Flora, but even just walking w/ you a street, or a surprise peck on the cheek, just the memory of it, save me, more than you might know. I hope you know that every moment is divine to me. A true gift from the heavens.

It's cute because as intense as we both are individuals, we still manage to surprise one another from time to time.

It would be easy to say that I hate Seattle, that I am unhappy there, but the truth is, I'm not. I actually love it quite a bit, which makes parting w/ it all the more difficult.

We need to find the humor in the personal conflicts we have w/ others. Oh yes, it's definitely there.

Sometimes I want to try on your head for a day, Desireé, just feel what you endure on a daily basis. I honestly don't think I could handle it. 

When I think of my friends I usually laugh and give a slight shake of the head at the memory of their inappropriateness. That is a mark that I have chosen well.

Money just distances us from the most uncomfortable component to our survival: human interaction.

Sometimes I see just how this is a psychopathic cycle of good + evil, that every new cause that emerges is like the only one that ever existed in the history of the world. But it is a bump, a mere sentence in this never-ending fairytale of heroes  + villains. Is there really not escape, from this sick sideshow?

If you're friends w/ me, and you know you really are my friend, you're a little bit crazy, too. That's why I like you.

Being a writer is being lucky enough to clasp onto the tail-end of a vanishing fantasy...and putting that into words.

I can tell that my fighting days are soon becoming a thing of the past, but I see now why I worked so hard in those days. And they're paying off.

Being in love doesn't mean you sit around thinking about the person all day. Being in love is a responsibility, in the other case you just need to find a hobby.

You know how Pornstars are aware that millions around the world experience orgasm to their image? I wonder if they find that complimentary or just really, really sad.

When I think about how much time I spend in my apartment, I really am just a fucking kid, allowed to live in his world.

Snake charmers are interesting people. I bet they would make for fantastic conversation over a cup of tea.

It's that part of you that says, "No. This is not how my story ends." 

When I think about it, artists are unlike so much of the public. It doesn't surprise me when people just don't 'get' their artform

I guess that is why death is so tragic and how it is sad that we've grown into a world that throws life away so carelessly. People are meant to teach us, through their entirety. And if they leave this world, this life, the lessons are much harder to learn.

When I say that I am a boxer, like I punch people in the face and get punched in the face. That must sound absurd to some people.

If all you get form me is that you are entertained. That is enough for me.

If you've upset me, you've managed to sneak into my consciousness. Take it as a win.

Not knowing what to do w/ a full, sunny day, is a blessing we are no longer afforded to in old age.

I see why they say, "Respect your elders". They know places we were too afraid to enter.

It's funny that the word for "puzzle" in Portuguese, literally translates to breaking your head open. Sometimes Brazilians just get straight to the point. 

What a beautiful mess I am. 

Jean Claude Van Damme doing splits between two moving semi-trucks is one of the funniest things I've seen in my life. Come to think of it, his name is funny: Van Damme. He has to know what's up. 

To be where I am now, to come this far, is a fucking miracle. I owe it all to people

I'm like this guy, who really, REALLY believe some magnificent war is coming, but in reality will never happen. It's like I'm training for nothing. It's funny when I think about it.

I seem to remember, quite often, the moment, where my friends, who I view as so strong, stumble in a moment of disbelief in themselves. That continues to be one of the few things that break my heart.

My diet here is ridiculous. I pretty much live off of juicing fruits and vegetables, then fry the pulp in coconut oil and eat that. That is literally what I've been eating for like the past month.

            A good laugh is a band-aid to protect us from the real wounds.

Flora's really nice. She pretends to like my cooking.

Everything she says, I have that confidence in her that I can trust that is what she really feels.

I would really appreciate it if no one says, "it makes me want to read more, what this that and that?" It's clearly an excerpt so spare me the obvious. I'd rather have your silence. It says a lot more.

I can see what she is offering in her eyes. I wonder, is that what I am afraid of? And if I run, will she come after me? 

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