Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Reflections from the last trip

I have made many mistakes in my life. I have misinterpreted the signs and beckoned to the alluring call of defeat. But the world does not stop to hear your sorrow. God does not hate you and the world is not against you. Your biggest enemy is yourself.

I want too much. I expect way more than I can accomplish because I am selfish. Greed does not only come in the monetary or material measures. Overindulgence is a poison. Desire can be a sin. Want less, need less. Live more. Selflessness is key.

You can dwell on the past all you want. You can relive those moments in your mind, fantasizing how they could have been different, how you could be now, but the present doesn't change. Your time is better spent on productivity, not reminiscence.

Sometimes I found myself acting like someone I wasn't or wanting something because it is what people expect me to want. I've never really questioned who I am. I felt lost. I felt without identity. But sometimes you need to go outside yourself to see who you really are and what you need to improve. I think I'm coming back to center.

I've never been one to quit. Sometimes I have the foolish pride of a beaten fighter. Sometimes I step through those ropes when common sense tells me to unlace the gloves and call it a day. But this is one time where I can't throw in the towel.

Fuck the rest. It's time to go.

1 comment:

Stephen Phillips said...

How do you go about stepping outside yourself?