Thursday, May 21, 2009


I'm having trouble recalling the last time I was happy. I mean really happy. Happy like not a damn thing could ruin your day, like even going to the bathroom was like a benediction from God happy. Happy like you're standing on top of the world without having to balance yourself from falling off, when you're still so disillusioned and naive to think everything is within your grasp. You only have to reach out and grab it.

As if things were that simple.

I try to relive the few times where a genuine smile crossed my face, where really nothing mattered, where dreams still felt possible, where I felt free. But I can't. The faces are fading, names start disappearing, memories begin to dimmer. I try to call upon my angel from paradise to tell me how I used to be, but I can't hear her. I can't hear anything really. I end up trapped in an isolated world by myself, trying to make peace with all I despise in the mirror, contemplating if I can overcome, for once, on my own.


amy said...

I'm glad you are still posting, you write a good tale, even if it is true...I'm also glad you are still aiming for unblemished happiness. "You get what you settle for."
I have never travelled out of the US, but as a friend of Emma's I have really enjoyed everyone else's travels. Also, I have noticed that those i know who have travelled 3rd world find a joy and happiness there that the developed world seems to have lost...It's not for sale and for some reason is easier to find when you are hungry!? Hope you figure it out for yourself. AA

Joe said...

WA ! The "happy" you describe, I have to really think, have I ever have it?

Ava said...

Indeed, try to find the pure happiness that people at 3rd world countries have and we, at developed world, have lost.
Who shall learn from who?