Notes from my 53rd trip (Aniversário do Padrinho Sebasatião)

It is important not to treat love like a toy. Treat it for what it is. It can be many things, but a toy is not one of them.

It's kind of ironic that I would be really good at making money when I despise it so much.

I think Grace really wanted the person I could become, but not who I was. And I think she was always a bit sad about that. It's funny, cuz I find the same thing w/ Flora, only in reverse.

I like the person I became.

Notes from my 52nd trip (Ritual Yawanawa)

Brazil is removing a lot of anger from my spirit. It is not always a pleasant experience.

Understanding the life of another is not an easy task. In fact, I'll go as far as to say it is impossible. The best we can do is capture a second of it, and try to imagine the rest.

Sometimes there is no direct command. Sometimes you have to read between the lines. And those lessons are to test your ability to think beyond obedience.

The more I think about it, Flora checks out, in every single way I can think of. And to be honest, sometimes it pisses me the fuck off.

Viva São Miguel!

I once borrowed a friend's USB drive to have some photos printed. It always seems like an excuse when someone says, "Wait, those pictures aren't mine." Sucks when it's actually true.

It's been a fucked up past couple of months. And now I'm training to enter the forest. God.

It's funny between Flora and I. Anytime one of us accept a piece of hard advice from the other, we feel bad for saying it the moment after.

You know, it's like anytime a relationship is going through a rough patch, we think that another person is the solution, like they are the answer, no problems. But everyone is fucked up in some way. It's like at least w/ Flora I kinda sorta know what I'm getting into and it's not that bad. I mean most of is good, but the bad parts, it's not THAT bad.

I am of the belief that one should always follow their heart, but it is also important to be aware of the things that influence the heart, and the intentions of those influences. The heart, it is wise and naive at the same time.

Notes from my 51st trip (Ritual Yawanawa)

This is basically how it works. 
One moment you think you know what is going on. 
The next you don't.

I am still very nervous of what is behind a knocking door.

I would say my objective is to train my body so that it is ready to endure pain and/or travel at a moment's notice.

Notes from my 50th trip (Ritual Yawanawa)

Most of us are undeserving of true love. It is only given to those who are willing to change.

The pain I feel, from the things I witness and the things done to me, I wish them upon no one.

Flora taught me to care about the kind of person I am.

When you go through a lot of shit and manage to maintain the goodness in your heart at the end, that is something you should be very proud about.

I'm so sorry, Grace. I still feel the pain of what I did to this day.

You have to be disciplined to truly receive love.

Notes from my 49th trip (Ritual Yawanawa)

It's funny how the place we go for the cure is the same place that gives us the poison.

The questions w/ no answers hurt the most.

The purpose of one who cures is to stop pain.

No matter how little space you think you have, the person next to you is your brother.

If you truly love someone, you must accept them as they are.

It's never too much, Flora.

The exit is just as important as how you enter.

You could see the sunrise in a field of growing carrots.

You start to get good at Jiu-Jitsu when you use your head as a weapon.

Being Asian in Brazil is one of the funnest and funniest experiences to ever have.

I live a real love. That is enough for me to be satisfied w/ life.

A lot of my girl friends think that Flora treats me poorly. Some of that I agree w/. The rest of it is simply because they don't understand her. And that is my fault, in not explaining it well enough.

A lot of how Flora is w/ me is out of a fear to be in love w/ me. And I can think of a couple times where I made her unsure.

Politicians are a funny bunch. Come election time, they do their damnedest to appear straight-edge, clean-cut, honest. But at the core (and this is of course a generalization), they are the most crooked of us all.

Fuck the Iraq War. That shit started when I was a freshman in college. It's like, you made your money, and wars are much more complicated to end than most of us know. But for Christ's sake, end the fucking thing.