So how has it been being back in Brazil? Well, the situation is mixed. I can already feel that the city has changed. Something about it, just the vibe of the entire place. You can also visually see it in the all the new construction that’s going on, the price hikes, and the overall rhythm in the people. But I will say this: Walking into my old apartment was like going back home. The smell, the space, the energy, all of it hit me in a wave of blissful nostalgia. Flora had also been kind enough to clean the shit out of my apartment to where I didn’t know things in this place could be that clean.
And her. My friend Michael told me when I was in Seattle that I wasn’t going to know how I really felt about the whole relationship until I was in her arms. He was right about that. Maybe it’s being swept blindly into love, but everything disappeared. All the fights, the arguments, the minor betrayals of the past, they all faded away when I saw her in the flesh. I’ll put it this way. We got back into the apartment at around 10AM yesterday and I didn’t leave the apartment until noon the next day. There’s something special when you can spend THAT much time with someone in close quarters and only wish that the time wouldn’t end when it does (and it’s not like we were having sex the entire time, I mean we did, but jesus, for that long? That’s inhuman, you fucking pervs).
Meanwhile, I’ve been busy catching up on all that I left behind and preparing for what's ahead. I spent most of the day taking care of the canceled accounts that weren’t really canceled and just stacked up in overdue bills, getting the small necessities like soap, water and toothpaste, and calculating the right equation between food purchase frequency and refrigerator space. But it’s also been good just walking down the street. All the random people that I used to know greeted me with open arms, asking how my time away has been and how glad they are that I’m back. There’s something refreshing about coming back to a place that you already know that isn’t your home, but in some ways always was.
Now I’m meeting up with old acquaintances, trying to get a feel for what’s left in the city, how much has changed and how much I can still really do. I still don’t know what to expect. These coming weeks will be really telling about whether or not I’m going to choose to make Rio a new home or just a fond memory. But I was talking to Michael about how I felt at the time in which we were speaking. I told him how good it felt to be reunited with this city, this life and of course, this girl. I told him I didn’t know what to expect from any of them, but at least for this moment, I’m just going to enjoy the feeling that I’m feeling, and live in it while I can.