Notes from my 17th trip

Being in Brazil has been a constant process of having my ass kicked and getting back up.

            Hunter's Moon

I thought I had my life figured out and then the full moon happened.

Let's get this George.

You know you've reached a certain point in life when you can say that you dislike someone and not have to explain why.

                      At the end of the day, I'll cut down anyone if I have to.

I am much weaker than I appear. But are any of you brave enough to tell me so? Think about that.

The moment you tell someone about your good deeds w/ the intention of receiving praise, they become worthless.

        I am looking for a home. Can't you see that?

                                            Love can beat out any differences.

You were brave to stay with me Desireé. 

It's me, isn't it? It's me that keeps leaving.

The thirst for the fear of others only feeds your cowardice.

Maybe they purposely make the paths to enlightenment illegal and perceivably dangerous. Maybe they're not blanket assumptionists or morally entitled. Maybe they just know.

My model does not come w/ a self-destruct feature.

Flora. I hope you surprise me wrong.

If you enter a place honest, they will usually take care of you.

           Don't send me out there, again. Not again.

Notes from my 16th trip

I have a fountain of thoughts wanting to come out; it's all just a matter of when I decide to turn the latch.









           True self-esteem is contra to corporate profits

I'm starting to understand those characters who never remarry if their partner passes. That kind of bond only happens once in a life, and the rest if kind of pointless after that. 

I find myself laughing more than being angry at personal tragedy nowadays. This is in some ways good; troublesome in others.

If you are reading this, take a moment to think about how you came to the ability to read, to pass through, to form an opinion and argue. Think about all the emotions in which our ability to communicate thru script has allowed. It is a beautiful thing, a true miracle.

How would you describe peace? I don't know, maybe like a flowing breeze that drifts thru your chest at just the right pace where all you can do is close your eyes and smile.

She told me she only had one remedy, a remedy called Love. She said you felt it in that space between your chest and your belly, a place I once wrote about in a poem. I asked her if it ever hurt, this remedy she spoke of, and she said at times, it did. But even then, it was still a remedy, and remedies are meant to cure you. 

                           How much do I really know about love? There are still so many doors that remain unopened. Perhaps she is brave enough to lead me thru them.

That search for meaning, that is a fight one should never stop fighting. 

Do not let the societal quicksand consume you.

    Many of us are foolish to think we are bigger than these systems.







She told me she loved me while I was telling her not to feel obligated to have the same feelings that I have for her.

If I am to die anytime in the near future, 

at least they will have one hell of a time going through my apartment.

I hate to say it, but if shit really gets bad and we all have to run to the forest, I'm only taking my strongest friends w/ me. Cuz dead weight is heavy.

When I sit and think about the things I've done so far in life, I only creak a small hint of a smile. Don't step to me on some ideological elitist bullshit, my mind's been fucked. You have no idea where it's already been. 

A Best Man's speech

James Chong is one of my oldest friends in life, and this past month, he finally tied the knot with his beloved. This is the speech I would have given at his wedding had I been able to make it. I don't know if he would have actually asked me to be the Best Man to give a Best Man's speech, but me being the egotistical bastard that I am, I wrote one anyways. Congratulations, brother.


Growing up, I always looked up to James, I mean how could you not? He had the baddest long-bang hairstyle at school, wore the coolest oversized yellow jackets, and I’m pretty sure one year he had a pair of JNCO jeans. I remember one time in middle school we both sat nervously in our chairs at the school talent show audition, trying to remember the lines to “Jinusean Bomb” before our turn was up. We ended up not going through with it, one of the biggest regrets of my life, but James redeemed himself throughout the rest of high school and college, and even now, is still living through his soul with music. So I always admired James for never letting that go, for his courage to display his passion in front of crowds, and every performance, every accomplishment I hear about, always brought a sense of pride in being his friend.

There were only two times when I didn’t look up to James. The first time was when Kevin Pana pushed him into a concrete wall at the Tyee basketball courts as he was chasing a stray ball during a game, and the impact ended up breaking both his arms. I remember meeting a friend later in life, Tiffany Hom, who went to the same Korean school as James. When I asked her if she knew him, she took a moment to think about it and finally said, “Oh yeah, I think he's that guy who sits by himself at lunch, trying to eat his food with two casts on his arms.” I don’t know which one was funnier: the image of someone trying to eat with two broken arms, or the fact that James had no friends to eat with.

The other time I was with James and our friend Jeff (we were still in middle school so Jeff was still our friend), and we were walking down Factoria Boulevard, probably on our way to the mall. I don’t remember what we were talking about exactly, but something suddenly exploded near our heads and I only remember seeing a goop of thick yellow and clear sludge splatter onto a tree next to us. Jeff and I checked ourselves clean, but James had a gooey mess dripping down the left side of his head. Turns out, we (or James really) were the victims of a drive-by egging. We walked into a nearby Taco Time, ranting with James about the absurdity of the situation, but once he went into the bathroom to clean himself off, Jeff and I burst out laughing, clutching each other’s shoulders to hold ourselves up from falling over. By the time James came back out we managed to put on our serious face and vowed empty threats of revenge. About 6 years later I ran into the culprit at Bally’s Total Fitness in Eastgate. Turns out it was one of my sister’s childhood friends. We all had a good laugh about that memory.

But aside from those two times, I’ve always had the upmost respect for James. I remember at 15, he was the first one out of all of our friends to get a job, hustling sandwiches at Quiznos while pursuing a rap career, and his sense of work ethic has always been the inspiration for me to pursue my own work. I’ve accomplished a few things over the course of my life, and I owe a lot of that to James, for instilling that sense of responsibility when I was young. 

I’ve known James now for over 10 years, drawing near towards two decades. We haven’t always been in the same place, but we've always been connected. I’ve watched him take courageous risks to follow his heart, and pick himself up with tremendous grace when on the ground; at least in my eyes, he's always managed to come out the victor regardless of the outcome. Now, I see him as a man, one with great potential and a bright future. One who has been there for his friends, and gives love and support to his family when needed. And today, he embarks on that journey to starting his own, and I have faith and confidence that he will succeed in that as well. 

So I toast to you, my brother, for your journey ahead, and know on this day, I look up to you once again.  

Notes from my 15th trip

You know why I love her? Because she give life to everything. From the roots of a tree to the sketches on a tablecloth. Everything has meaning.








                                             I find it interesting that I can't imagine myself in old age. 
                            I find it even more interesting that I don't seem to be bothered by it. 










Sometimes I think about the people I'll never see again, and I miss them.

Sometimes hours upon hours of research will only result in one sentence. But that one sentence will carry wisdom.

I see now that many times we dislike someone simply because they are young. And it reminds us of how we once were.

It's funny, I remember really trying, like putting in sincere effort in learning how to imitate The Rock's eyebrow raise. And now I use it quite often.

          "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children."

Be careful around Peace; there is something very dark about him

               If I can't envision myself living a long life, it's because I won't.












                                                                    It's funny, we can't communicate but I understand you

Pushing the barriers

Keep playing those mind games.

Your anger echoes.

What if even she can't save me?

Boxing appears to those who are ready to mount their dark horses.

All of the boxers I've met on my journey, if they met me now, they'd be proud.