Notes from my 7th trip

I keep walking toward the fire, toward the warmth, toward the light. But there is something out there, in the dark coldness, that really wants me.

If I'm to be completely honest, there are many out there that do not deserve their lives.

We've been given this manufactured recipe for how life should be lived.

At some point, it all just stops being a choice.

Tattoos call you. The page calls you. Things in the world call you. This is called Duty.

                           My body is being prepared for something. I just don't know what. But it has got me very, very scared.

                                          I'm not back yet.

Prescribed happiness. There is so much out there.

We are training for the war. 

Somewhere where it is very cold + dark.

Seriously though, some people just think too goddamn much.

Even the mundane moments count

You can smell the stench of false fighters a mile away

My purpose in this life is to destroy false prophets.

You can only shit on the earth for so long. Soon or later it revolts.

All of us have that calling. It's more about whether or not you're listening.

The things that you wear well, wear well for a reason.

                                 I think the phrase, "Winter is coming," should be taken more seriously than an HBO catchphrase. 

I realize I hate people for absolutely no reason. What a miserable existence.

She could save you.

What I've learned thru all of this is that we need each other. Human beings need each other.

The meaning of this gift

The face on the left is "strength", on the right is "peace". Two things I was trying to take from you. So now, I return what I may have taken, for your journey ahead. Be well, my Pepina.

Notes from my 6th trip

You know, sometimes that crimson sky pulls across the byline of life far sooner than we had hoped; either way, it comes and we have what house + family we have at the moment to stand for.

I think I may have overexerted myself this time around.

Please know that I have no control of the pen. It completely possesses me at its will

I've yet to find the value my writing brings.

The days before the ceremony, 
you are preparing the home for a guest. The spirit.

What happens when God stops talking to you? How does it feel? What does the world sound like?

For those that have fathers in your life, 

there are beautiful moments that can be shared.

Rudolph - my brother. I now see why you are in my life. Thank you for teaching me those lessons. Know that I admire your strength.

The best fighters get knocked down V, but you're still in the fight. Remember that.

Desireé, I think I am meant to watch your back as you navigate through that treacherous terrain. How you do it, the bravery, still astounds me.

Our feet stomp to the same rhythm, me and her...

I see something in your gaze, an unfinished message to the sea. I wonder if you can teach me to swim far enough to retrieve it.

The permission to write. What a gift, what a true blessing!

Know this now, flowers will pave the right path.

You were meant to be a fighter, not a boxer.

                           Her name is Flora, in case you were wondering.

Desireé, you were the last one to see me with long hair; you were the one that helped take my hair. I hope you know what that act bestows upon you.

The wind blows like sea channels on the backs of rigid mountains. It brings a comforting reminder of loneliness.

Watching Japanese anime has kinda fucked with my visions. I mean those mofos are crazy.

I think the worst thing about the Trayvon Martin case is that his soul has not been allowed to rest. It has been carried through all of this: the joy, the grief, the heartbreak + the anger. It is being torn apart in so many different directions. For god's sake, let him rest.

Marcella - I hope you know the answer lies within you and that it is a journey to be taken alone. Just know, what you have at the center of your heart is sacred. It is beautiful and strong, like the maims of wild stallions. Don't let the undeserving pass through, because there are many out there after you.

Every waking moment is for training. Every dreaming one too.

I have no idea if other people view me as crazy. I only know the last version of who I was, and that guy was pretty decent.

I wish I could produce something worth reading but right now, these things are lost between the verses. The book will just be a map. That's all. With treasure buried somewhere.

              Aggressive energy from the tiger repels me for the moment.

This is my mission to be here - that is the only thing to keep in mind when staying with me. Plan the rain, the clouds, the gray sunshine. Plan for life.

We are often scared to be alive.

Know the process in which to produce these notes that you are reading come by sacrifice.

I feel like assuming a fraudulent role to the world is not only a disgrace to god, 

but a disgrace to yourself.

Do you really feel like you deserve this? 
(This is not for me, this is for others.

Fuck- that was a long trip on the other side. I was possessed a few times. I felt like a chained demon strapped to a chair. Smiling. That smile. Good god, that smile is going to burn war paint into my dreams. They fooled me. I didn't think that I would be called to fight today, but I fought well, and survived. I put in the required training.

I saw that every moment of our lives hold meaning and the reason we feel despair in life is because we lose sight of that.

So much of my times goes into thinking about what it is like to dance with you.

Tonight, the demon tried to win, but I still hold the composer's hand.

Life from here on out just seems to happen. That's kind of the sum of it all.

I know it wasn't too funny this time around, but lately I have not felt very comical.

This one took something out of me. I can feel it.

Notes from my 5th trip

I think the solution to the problems of many is sincerely asking oneself, "am I happy?"

Somewhere along that journey you need to accept that it is okay to have a decent life, that you are deserving.

I am getting better at filtering the difference 
between what must be written 
and what is chatter

As Bukowski said, "Always bet against the direction the public goes."

I think I am embarking on what will be a modest writing career; never reaching the pinnacle of fame, but fascinating for those willing to dig.

For those of you that have come with me thus far, thank you. 

The sooner you accept that the road will be paved with emotions, and not simply happiness, the better. 

One favor you can do for us writers is to know that sometimes it hurts to write.

Sometimes I can see it now, when I look in the mirror, the sadness in my face.

Return 
of 
Saturn

From a young age, I've always believed in ghosts.

Desireé, the night you told me you loved me was one of the most honest moment I've had in my life. Every moment we shared was honest, really. 

                     Then there was that whole confusion of the anal sex. That was funny to me in case you never knew

I'm still holding onto it, no matter how much I tell myself otherwise.

This is the foolishness of humanity: we think the wind is a coincidence.

Everyone has an interesting life, it's all about whether or not you can find the story.

Every poem a poet writes is a call to their tribe.

I guess I'm kinda this corny dude that falls in love with sappy stories

The favelas, the traffickers, the police, the deaths, it's all just in the story. Rio has the narrative of the world if one looks hard enough. 

I am not so much brave, just oblivious to much of how my actions are perceived

Fuck the odds, it's all about whether you were called for it.

Don't regret your decisions, you chose them for a reason.
At one time, it made all the sense in the wolrd.

You know, I probably have a vocabulary of like 200 words, but it's about the different puzzles you can make, not the number of pieces.

Taking ventures outside the neighborhood is important for a child








                        Prepare for the Spectacle

                               There is a difference between negative and bitter.

The crooked coyote joker yelling into the sounds of wind.

Wind only fans the flames.

Marcella, I just saw our new business. It has something to do with a fucked-up looking iguana pulled across multiple dimensions. The most important detail is that it will have your eyes. Wild eyes.







                   Your slow motion stride is really fucking with me.








Gold embroidered angels dancing on the Christmas tree. Everyone tries at this time of year.

I want to have a shirt that says 'Christmas shouldn't be the only time you're happy'.

FUCK ALL OF YOU that just thought that was some kind of Neo-colonist legacy of patriarchy. your type think too goddamn much.

I am always looking for paintings that match my visions

The queen is the baddest piece on the board.

Follow your queen, George

                                      Stop trying so hard Neil.

Words I have for the world. by Nick Wong



That title HAS to already been taken.

Maybe even by another Nick Wong

Your mother loves you

red orange room filled with tiger stripes

Sometimes I really remember the most nonsensical bullshit that you are now forced to read. HA! I will piss on my own ashes if I'm ever being read as freshmen high school mandatory reading.

To all the beautiful women I've ever known in my life, I remember you all, and you all had a unique space, despite this generic message I am writing now.

That's the thing I see now, I would follow her.

Nobody will judge your struggle.

One of them looks like a dinosaur, the other one this giant baby ostrich.

           Tap into your animal spirit

Actually, there is art to being a scavenger, perhaps even something noble.

The Asians need to stop being together. We're confirming their conspiracy theory.

We can always choose to walk away as a satisfied customer, as long as we realize that sometimes what we were truly shopping for was never on the list.

There are many doors that will lead to empty hallways

The gym is like the church cuz they take in anyone.

True gyms and true churches at least.

Desireé, remember that time we went to the ballet, you in your red dress, me in my black coattails, and when that couple came up and told us we looked decadent? Well, we were dazzling the stars that evening.

Now the real work begins

The words are lost like scattered bones in the desert, 

like forks dumped down the wrong metal chute, 

like a misstep from a seasoned warrior. 

This is a poem lost, 

still searching 4 its ocean.

That's the important of an editor that won't be too soft with you. Even in the rough patches, they'll hold you together.








                        You're more of a wolf than a lion.







you were a lioness with a wolf, Desireé. I see it now. I'm a wolf who needs someone to make him see his own worth. You, Desireé, I'm not even sure, but you could rule kingdoms.

                               Purple Crescent moons.

she might be more of a wolf than you are.








                        This feels like my brain is on fire.

Dancing letters, that's all graffiti is.

I think all that I have felt this week is cause of my fatigue. I see now, that it is a battle I lost.

                 I got some ill-ass designs for 50 cent, the problem is that he doesn't know who the fuck I am.

I hung a pair of gloves around my rearview mirror ever since I met him.
(Boxing as Everything)

I suddenly miss home.

Don't lock yourselves in that prism of the mind

Where did you learn how to tie a knot?

Judging others makes us deaf

Nai,
you've always had a talent for art and an eye for the truth. Don't waste it.








Lemonaid Blindness
Scales of legions
Hymns of the barefoot
traveler.
Wander. Wander on
Fighter.

When will we understand that none of this belongs to us?

My favorite restaurant in Rio just received 73 health code violations this past week.
Any fewer would had been a disappointment.

Think about why irritating people are sent into your lives.

Sometimes I feel like we are waiting for that letter we wrote to ourselves in grade school but never sent

You are a dreamer and god is in the stars.

What is it like to be on this earth for nearly 30 years? Maybe a multicolored perch with cricket heads as the main course.







                   Mel Gibson's problem was that he kept trying to recreate Braveheart







Our story is not yet done, Desireé, but we are nearing the final chapter.

Find the origin of your name. Your true name.

It is our dreams that the line is open.

Save that house. That's the project.

The brevity of my life is jagged geometric patterns inside a multicolored tatami room.

It's funny the world confuses Japanese + Chinese. At one point, we really hated each other. Maybe there is something worth remembering in how the world views us as of the same blood.

which road calls you, neil?

Josh my brother, we are meant to see each other further down the road, so our families can meet.








                          There is still something noble in the bandit's howl.

I have been sent all these people that I just cannot be angry with. A true blessing.

It makes me sad to dwell in the moments of my father's weakness.

Because I am your mother, because I am your father. These are words that no longer hold meaning in our generation.

                                Stuart, these times are going into the history books my friend.

You're more of a wolf than a lion

The questions I want to ask you are endless: What makes you sad? What makes you joy? Where does the power your hold in your light waltz come from? How did you choose this path? What is it that calls you? Has your heart ever broken? Where do you see yourself in five years time? What kind of candy tickles your sweet tooth? Does God ever sing to you when you sleep? What is your favorite eye color? Do you see it in mine? What smell drives you wild with passion? What is your favorite flower?

I've had a pretty awesome life so far. The next step is sharing.

                      Not even the brightest future can extinguish my memory of you, Desireé.

The mere footsteps of a master draws stabs into my heartbeat.

Sometimes I wonder if Bukowski would have traded all those fit, beautiful 20 year olds for just one lumpy hag of a wife that truly loved him.

'Have it your way' is the greatest example of false advertising on this planet.

Favorite movies:

Before Sunrise
Before Sunset
Before Midnight (coming soon)
Donnie Darko.

Don't try to edit these messages. Just take them as they are.